Jane Duquette M.D.
Narcissology Behind the Anger
Narcissism
Anger
Compassion, Kindness, and a Borderline
Compassion, kind and compassionate behavior, and the road to recovery.
Posted May 03, 2021
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Reviewed by Devon Frye
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THE BASICS
Understanding Caring
Find a therapist to help with caring
Source: J1 Koy / Pixabay
This guest post was written by John Francis Gaddy, Psy.D.
Caring is about the power and simplicity of being kind. Restoring a sense of balance in the chaos of the present moment while remaining empathic, strong, and connected to others.
What is the word that has helped you gel up?
The word of gratitude, in this case, offers you a crystal ball, a reference to your future self. You can reflect on your choices and make amends if necessary. And perhaps you can reflect on the impact you are having on someone else: Consider how you have contributed to someone else while you can and consider how you might be able to give back without reciprocating the same pressure/glullity.
3 ways you can help someone with narcissism
1. Refrain from acting with self-criticism and self-doubt
To help reduce self-criticism and begin to distance yourself from a sense of self-criticism, consider limiting your contact with those whom you respect and admire. It may be necessary to be extra kind to them and to watch them for what they are worth.
2. Limit your time on social media
Social media is unforgiving. A tweet that you have just posted may be shared by hundreds of thousands of people and your personal information may be disclosed without proper authorization. Limit sign-in and contact information to prevent brigading/polarization. You’ll be surprised at the responses; it’s hard to be aggressive and still uphold your standards.
3. Try to be kind to people you haven’t been friendly yet
I’ve had clients who have used social media to try and gain friends but then immediately threw caution to the wind and disconnected. This is a human problem, not a financial problem. You might be surprised that even borderline cases of friendlessness and low self-esteem tend to come to this end.
Try to view others as well: Even when they aren’t behaving as you would expect, the act of greeting them should go beyond chirping or direct communication. Communicate by asking for a hug, a deep kiss, or a meaningful conversation. You never know how much other people you will be able to touch for a donation or how great they’ll be to donate to you.
4. Think about your attitudes
Do you treat people fairly? Good or bad? How open or closed? Do they party or have a sense of politeness? Do they know how to make small talk? Do they know how to make eye contact? Do they know how to put their needs in any kind of relationship?
If you’re a nice person, you’re likely to treat people you get angry with or people with whom you disagree with or people with whom you have some previous unpleasantness or disagreements. You don’t usually “get revenge” on people with whom you disagree, but you may have served your purpose there by setting a different expectation.
5. Learn how to set aside cognitive dissonance
When you tie compliancy to emotions and/or behavior, the brain doesn’t automatically run to the bathroom. The part of the brain that believes we’re reasonable and considerate always puts the desire for that somewhere between 20 and 30 seconds after the thought occurs. The full 40 seconds is when the conformity ends. We go back to our original take on the world, substituting our old self for the presumed alternative.
While the immediate, unconscious part of your brain may well be happy with the outcome, your subconscious or “hiding spot” is unhappy. You may, for example, place your self-hatred on a dating site rather than online, leading to the initial comparisons that you so much crave. Or, you may torture yourself by setting very demanding goals that you worry will displease your ex.