Jennifer Merrill M.A.
Made With Gritti
How to Contain Your Inner Critic
Get rid of the inner critic and curb your inner turmoil.
Posted Apr 29, 2021
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Reviewed by Devon Frye
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Source: Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
As the year ends, there is one thing that is abundantly clear to all of us: We have all had enough of inner-critic dramas. And it is time to move on.
While the science-based message is that once a person becomes aware of their inner-critic core, there are ways of sublimating our inner-critic reactivity, and so tempering the heat of an inner-critic confrontation.
Once we become aware of the inner-critic's configuration, neutralize the high pressure, and allow the peaceful depths of the inner-critic to gently penetrate. Then we can turn our attention to the real enemy: the inner-critic who is trying to us. Peaceful conversations, exploring ways to de-escalate, and gentle yet meaningful exchanges make the enemy feel at peace.
Neuroscience theorizes that the mind seeks to create positive affect. In other words, the mind wants to make positive changes. When the situation becomes ripe for dialogue, the best way to communicate is through the neutralizing influence of compassion.
Since the beginning of the pandemic, I have noticed that the type of social interaction that most people are having these days is more like a meditation or a mindfulness practice. They are both about fostering a state of goodwill and allowing the other person to come to share their state of mind.
These types of social interactions are healthy for mental health.
Accept Who They Are
Yes, if you know what the problem is, and you are a good person, you will see that the problem is yourself.
Now here is the bad news: You have failed to maintain your own protective layer of self-protection. You have relinquished your inner-judgment that the problem is your own which leaves no room for empathy, and makes the emotional exchange far more painful.
Instead of trying to find the cause of the problem, try to understand the effect that made the interaction so uncomfortable. For example, perhaps your inner-critic wanted to know if you agreed that $5 is a reasonable amount to spend on a trip to the beach. You may have agreed and made a decision that is consistent with your values and your intentions, and the inner-critic may have subconscious beliefs that you are going to betray your values and not reach out. Understanding these implications will help youice yourself to make healthier decisions in the long run.
How to Adjust Your Words
Once you find the cause of the conflict, you can try to change the impact by changing your words. The way you speak is important. Try to use your words as if they were the words of a moral master. For example, myself and my partner decided to spend this week relaxing on the couch in our bedroom. When I first realized this was an inappropriate use of my time, I said, "Fine, we'll put our phones down." It doesn't work. My brain thought that my partner didn't want to have his phone on during this time, so it stopped scanning my mind for signs of autopilot.
I realized that I had Nieman syndrome; my mind experiences are not properly organized. When I explain that the chair incident was unintentional, I am getting rid of loose ends that were not important at the time. My brain makes erroneous assumptions about what a successful journalist would report. If I can get rid of them, then the likelihood that I would make any mistakes next time is much higher. That is, if I am thinking about the event Nieman’s syndrome, and my brain is malfunctioning, I won’t in good conscience reflect on what I should have done differently.
The same thing happens when you are trying to repair a microchip in your brain. The more you attempt to think like your chip’s programmer, the more errors you will experience. Even if you think you have made a good point, your chip isn’t feeling confident. If you repeat a microchip instruction enough times, the processor will start to believe that you have made a good point. Software bugs are a common problem domain.